(Lack of) Motivation to Write

I could blame many things recently for my lack of writing. Christmas? New Year? Covid? Starting a new job only to get Covid after the first day? (I’m sure you can imagine how irritated I was about that.) I could blame the fact that when I get thirty minutes to myself I choose to play Playstation rather than go use the time to write. There is always something to blame, something to do, something that comes up. Hell, I didn't finish half of this paragraph before I found myself doing the dishes and cleaning the sink. Earlier this afternoon, I decided to sit down with my laptop only to find myself reassembling my son’s Lego police station. (It took his mum four hours to build and him a fraction of a second to destroy.) He accidentally stepped on it like Godzilla in downtown Tokyo.

Now that I am sitting here, with my laptop, typing away, I find that my fingers can't move fast enough, or accurately enough, to spill my meandering thoughts onto the page. And that is a good way to get onto one of the topics I wanted to talk about.

I have mentioned in previous posts about Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life and how he mentions about motivation can come second to action. That is exactly what has happened here. I had the thought recently about trying to write this piece, or something vaguely similar, and I just never found the reason to sit down to do it. I had other things to do. Chores to do, the holidays to enjoy, spending time with family. Even when I did crack open the laptop, I would pick at the third (yes, third!) book that I have tried to start writing in the past year. I won’t bore you with what they are.

I will, however, go a little into the reasons why I have temporarily set them aside. The first was far too complicated for me to tackle, the story so layered and complicated that the only way I think I could make sense of it is to go full-on pictures and notes on a wall with red string crisscrossing back and forth. The Charlie Day meme springs to mind.

The second was, briefly, the sequel story to Somewhere Else, a book I had written for my young son. With that one, I know the story, in broad strokes, and who does what and why and where they go, but following a looming redundancy, the lack of a new job to go to, it is easy to say that I was not in the whimsical, cheeky, playful mood to write that book. Anything I did write felt cynical, grouchy and unhappy. I was not enjoying writing it.

I am a few chapters into the third but the ideas are numerous and widespread, and there will be some serious editing and cutting that needs to be done, whether it is on the page or in my head before it makes it to the page. Given my current mood, this third book will probably benefit from it more. That said, I need to make sure that I have the motivation to do anything about it.

Just today, I saw a snippet of an interview with Taika Waititi in which he said that he will write a script and then put it away for a year. Then he will come back to it, read it, and then rewrite it from memory. In doing so, he keeps all of the good parts, filters it down and can then build upon it. Not a bad system. Something to keep in mind.

Going back and rereading something that you have written, I have found, can be good for other reasons. If I am struggling with a project, not that I like that term, and have come across a chapter or two that I simply don't like, I go back and reread, at least, the last three chapters. This will give me the feel of what I have written. The tone. The flow. Once I have done that, I find that it is easier to start writing, from scratch, those chapters I was struggling with. And if I still don't like what I have written, then I step away from it. The time will come when things mesh and the right words flow.

The other reason for this particular post, and a topic that I have wanted to write about since my last post, was how external factors can demoralise and demotivate you.

The one I want to talk about is numbers.

Numbers are a big thing in life. They drive our world. Money is a system of numbers. Who has the most numbers? Ah, but that’s not just money. Who has the most followers? Who has the most likes? The most views and shares and retweets and hearts and comments and emoji responses. Who has the most listens and downloads? How many read my post? How many people rated or reviewed... whatever the hell we do? Numbers can become an addiction. (I’ll skip any rant about social media and the false feeling of self-worth that numbers provide. You’ve heard it before from smarter people than me.) Numbers are thrown at you in the workplace. Targets. Objectives. When you hit those targets, they up the numbers. Do something fast enough, they say to do it faster. Or they give you more to do and tell you not to slow down. Run a hundred-metre sprint in under ten seconds, great. Now we’ll add some hurdles for you to jump over too.

My point is, after taking a deep, relaxing breath, is that some numbers can be ignored. If you are a writer, don't focus on how many books or pages you’ve written recently. Don't worry about how many people have downloaded your book, or reviewed it. There is a time to think about that later. To start, just enjoy what you are doing. This is not limited to writing, of course. Whatever you do, enjoy it. Running. Drawing. Playing an instrument. Find time to do it. Motivation will follow action.

Hell, I’m writing this but I’m not even going to promote that I’ve written it. I’m not even writing to you but to myself. I’m not going to go on Instagram and post about this piece. If people stumble across it, then great. If it’s relevant to people and helps them in some way, then even better. But my writing is mine. I do it for me.

Whatever you do, do it for yourself. That might sound selfish, but there is truth to the saying “Charity begins at home.” Tell yourself this. Don't worry about getting it wrong because it’s only you that will be judging it. And if you don't like it, fine, you get to do it over and improve. You didn't nail that guitar riff? Don't worry, because, at this stage, it’s still yours to do with as you please. Play with it, tinker with it, refine it. If you don't finish it, put it in the drawer and come back to it, when you and the time are right.

That leads me onto something else. Another little ramble to consider.

If we are doing something only for ourselves, we can move past our mistakes far easier. I’m not saying all the time but certainly more of the time. We don't like it when we make mistakes because of their repercussions. But where do these repercussions come from? They come from external sources. Make a mistake at work, and your boss will want to have a meeting about that. Make a mistake in a football or basketball game, your coach and teammates will have something to say. But if you are doing something just for you, and you make a mistake, you shrug it off and try again. Playing guitar and hit a dud note? Play it again. Drawing a picture and make a wrong mark? Work it into the picture, rub it out or start again. When you think about it, if you make a mistake doing something you enjoy, that’s just for you, with no external pressures or expectations, you are more likely to enjoy the mistakes and the learning from them, and still enjoy the task itself.

For me, the major internal source of pressure comes from our own expectations. This can be the hardest to overcome. IF we are getting frustrated over something we are struggling with, it’s probably because you think that you should be better at it than you are. Or perhaps you are better than what you are currently achieving, and that you are having an off-day. That’s allowed. Off-days are allowed. Your human, not a machine. Shit, even machines don't work all of the time. I worked at a bank. Do you have any idea how many times different machines went faulty? More than you would think likely.

Manage your expectations. (A line that is used far too much in offices around the country.) I heard it for years. “Manage the customer’s expectations.” I hated this line. But right now, it is the perfect way to tell you that you are not perfect. Why are you not perfect? Because there is no such thing. Or, if you want to argue that perfection is a thing, I’ll counter with perfection is just an opinion. Your version of the perfect job is different to mine. Your perfect woman is not my perfect woman. Your perfect meal? I bet it’s not even close to what mine would be.

Manage your expectations of yourself.

I’m not saying set the bar low. No way. Aim high. There’s a saying about “the sky’s the limit,” and how if the sky was the limit then we would never have gone to space. I don't know why I’ve put that in here. It was relevant when I started typing it. I’ve lost my train of thought. Perhaps you’ll find it for me.

Expectations! I didn't expect to be typing this for more than an hour, rambling on in a way that might only just qualify as being coherent. I say might. To sum up, though, motivation is a tricky thing, but maybe if we re-evaluate our expectations and consider what or who we are doing it for, then maybe we will find our motivation again, or even identify the reasons we are not motivated.

If you like what you read, then pass on the word. Also, have a look at my books, available on Amazon. follow me on Instagram and Twitter. The links are on this website somewhere. Enjoy your day.